Monday, May 09, 2011
AN ALTERNATIVE THEORY OF CREATION
Many years ago, in an office block far far away from here, a non-specific, non-demoninational deity who went by the name God (but was also known as Allah around the office) had just finished compiling his weekly reports for his boss, Zues. By 10am God had completely finished all his work for the day, and was now meandering around the office looking for something to entertain him. Buddha, his colleague, was in the staff kitchen as always. God gave him a polite nod on the way to the kettle, made a cup of generic brand tea, and returned to his desk to while away the rest of his day.
By 10:07, God had completely run out of ideas on how to maintain interest, and possibly consciousness, for the rest of the day. Luckily, he had completely finished his tea and the liquid had swiftly made its way down to his bladder.
As God relieved himself in the office men's room, he realised exactly how filthy the toilet cubicle was, and made up his mind to report it to the facilities manager. He read some dirty limericks scribbled onto the wall above the toilet roll holder, and gave a purile smirk at an obscene yet utterly comical doodling on the back of the door.
As he squeezed off the last few drops, he concentrated a little harder to push out his customary fart. Suddenly, at the height of his concentration, a lightning bolt shot out of the end of his 'ahem' and made a direct hit on the toilet bowl in front of him. After a moment to reclaim his senses, a quite stunned God leaned over and looked into the toilet bowl.
Apparently, the sudden jolt of electricity had catalysed whatever microbes were swirling around in.....well...you know. The result was a kind of instant primordial soup (for the soul).
God stood amazed as tiny creatures began to form and multiply. They swam around in the primordial soup, looking at each other and asking poignant questions like - "what am I?" and "Why am I here?".
God stood in awe, admiring his marvellous creations.
His creations looked up in reverence and gratitude for their omnipresent and benevolent creator.
After seven minutes, God realised he had to be back at his desk or Zeus might notice his absence. Buddha would probably tell on him. He was always making trouble.
God looked down one last time on his creations, flushed, and never gave it a second thought.
Just to put things in context.